Open scene in hospital room, beeping of vitals in the background. FATHER is lying in the hospital bed with SON sleeping in a chair next to him. A young NURSE enters with her cart.
NURSE
Alright, sit up. We need that white blood cell count to be high today, Mr. Morris. You need your strength. The doctor wants to try something new and if your count isn’t high enough, we have to stop treatment.
FATHER
Here’s to hopin’ right?
NURSE
You keep that hope up and you’ll be just fine.
FATHER
Thanks Linda.
SON wakes up hears the conversation.
SON
Yes, but hope only goes so far. Nurse, can you please explain the severity of the blood cell count. Exactly how many did he have previously and exactly how many does he need? And what exactly is this new procedure that the doctor will be following? What are you injecting into his main line? Can I see that chart?
FATHER
Please excuse my son, he’s a med student and thinks he knows everything. Will ya stop with that fancy talk? These people are saving my life, son.
SON
And apparently not doing a good job of it. I got here just in time. Look at this chart! I need to speak with his attending physician. How old are you anyway, Nurse?
NURSE
I will go see if the doctor is available after rounds.
SON
Now would be better, actually.
NURSE forces a smile and then exits.
FATHER
Now you’ve pissed off my favorite nurse. Where do you get off? These people are my friends.
SON
Friends? Dad, they are your doctors. They have plenty of other patients. They only care about you when it’s time to pay your bill. I know these things. I’m a doctor.
FATHER
I like to think they care because I have no one else that does. All my friends can’t make the trip to come see me and the only family I have don’t call me back when I tell ‘em I’m dyin. Where the hell have you been?
SON
I’ve been busy. It was a hard semester, you know. It doesn’t help thinking about you like this.
FATHER
I didn’t mean to inconvenience ya, son. Ya know, you’re sure as hell gonna be sorry when I go dyin’ on ya and you were too busy worryin’ about your damn patients.
SON
You just don’t get it. I’ve done anything and everything to make you proud of me, any normal father would be delighted to have a son like me. You are just set out to be disappointed in me.
FATHER
Now you know that’s not true.
SON
Name one thing you’ve congratulated me on.
Silence.
FATHER
Well I’m not that good at expressin’ how I feel but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t proud of what you’ve accomplished.
SON
Hmph.
FATHER
What does that mean?
SON
Nothing.
FATHER
Come on now, you can’t hold back those things anymore. I’m dying. You don’t have much time to get it off your chest. Out with it.
SON
I’ve spent my entire life trying to impress you and I’ve never gotten anything more than a, “You look like a girl in that dress.”
FATHER
Well why the hell did you have to wear a dress anyway.
SON
It was a gown.
FATHER
What’s the difference?
SON
ALL GRADUATES WEAR CAPS AND GOWNS. It’s a tradition!
FATHER
Well how the hell else am I supposed to know that. I never graduated high school.
SON
Yeah, I know.
FATHER
You act like you are so above me. You forget where you came from. Do you know how upset your mother would be if she saw you like this? We raised you to care for your family, to do things for your family.
SON
I joined med school FOR YOU. FOR mom. After she died, I made a promise that I would contribute to a cure for cancer. I’m doing this all on my own. No help from you. Do you realize how many scholarships I have received? You haven’t had to pay one penny. Do you realize all the things I have done to please you? To please Mom?
FATHER
I could give a shit about your fancy schoolin’. I want to look at you and be proud of the man you’ve become. I don’t even know who my son is anymore, you’re not a man.
SON
I am a man!
FATHER
You’re a doctor with a bad bedside manner.
SON
Well, what could I have done differently to please you Father? Please tell me.
FATHER
Don’t put so much effort into something that isn’t gonna happen in this lifetime. You might cure cancer, but it will be too late for me and too late for your mother. Your mom died and you ran away. You shoved your nose in your books and you left me. Why can’t you see how short this life is? Meet someone, start a family…
SON
That’s what this is about? You never got your grandkids. I shoulda known…
FATHER
Dammit. No. Have something to live for. I got cancer because I had nothing left.
SON
You’re blaming me for your cancer? That’s just great. You know that’s impossible. There is no proven cause for cancer. Attitudes don’t affect health anyway.
FATHER
All I’m saying is that I’m goin’ a lot faster than your mom did. I’m tryin to keep my hopes up, but why? What’s the point in livin’ when ya got nothin’ to live for? I didn’t raise my only son to abandon his family. You stick by them and remind them of what good they have in their life. That’s the best medicine.
Silence.
FATHER
Great. Whatcha cryin’ for? Do you see me crying? Shove in that bottom lip and make an attempt at being a man.
SON
You’re right, Dad. I haven’t been there. It is my fault. I’m so sorry.
FATHER
No no, no need for sorrys. Too late for that. Shit happens. It’s just life. Every second is a chance to turn it around.
SON
But I’m not ready for this, I don’t know what the hell to do.
FATHER
No one is ever ready for life, You just gotta take it as it comes.
SON
You did this with Mom. I just stood by and…
FATHER
Cried. I know. But now is your chance. Show me whatcha got. I gotta do this whether with or with out you. Now what’s it gonna be?
SON
I’m with you Dad.
DAD
Alright well quit your crying. I can’t have some wuss at my bed side every minute boo hooin’.
SON tucks in his bottom lip and wipes his eyes.
SON
Alright. I’m done.
NURSE enters
NURSE
I apologize, sir. Your father’s attending physician has taken the day off. He will not be available until tomorrow.
SON straightens his coat and smoothes his hair.
SON
No worries. We have plenty of time. I apologize for my behavior earlier. I’m just not a morning person. I hope we can start over.
NURSE
It’s quite alright, you aren’t the first concerned family member I have dealt with.
NURSE and SON exchange smiles. DAD catches on and starts grinning.
DAD
Linda, I would like to introduce you to my son, Larry Jr.
NURSE
Oh, pleased to meet you. Your son is quite handsome, Mr. Morris, he must take after you.
DAD
Yes, he is quite a man.
Do you think you could take my blood again? I have a feeling my count will be a bit higher this time.
NURSE
Umm ok? But, what was wrong the first time?
SON grabs DAD’s hand
SON
He wasn’t ready.
____________________________________________________
good story. i like the title. the only suggestion i have is to make the transition from fighting to reconciling more smooth. maybe you could remove the son and nurse interaction to focus more on the father and son. the situation doesn't necessarily have to be resolved but show some effort. if you had more time this could obviously be lengthened a great deal. you have a lot to work with. very good start and a touching story. the dialogue between the father and son is great!
ReplyDeletei like the format and it reads easily but kinda of was confused when the grandfather doesn't know what people wear at graduation, maybe you could clear that up. other than that it was a neat interaction between the nurse and grandson. good job.
ReplyDeleteJohn Rutherford
Hey Sharla!
ReplyDeleteI liked your story. It was quite touching. I did wonder however what caused the estrangement between the father and son? How long has it been going on? Perhaps you could find someway to elaborate on this and clarify exactly what is the issue.
I also think that the transition between being extremely angry to forgiving and crying is too quick and a bit unrealistic. You might want to try showing them making headway rather than complete absolution.
Also, I like what you are trying to do with the nurse, but the way it is incorporated is a little bit random-maybe it might help if you foreshadowed or hinted at an attraction on one or each of their part at the beginning and have the son refuse the attraction because of the his grudge against his father. Maybe even hint that he refuses the attraction just to spite his father.
These are just suggestions; I think you did a great job already.
Sharla,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea for this dialogue! I was a little surprised that the dad didn't tell his son that he was a little more proud of him. I understand that he wanted him to start a family and not just work, but he acted not happy at all with any of his other accomplishments, which seemed a little unrealistic to me. I think you could also add more by developing the son changed after his mothers death. It is obvious that he started throwing his life into his school after she died, but did he just quit talking to his dad a lot. Also the son seems to break down rather quickly. For someone who has worked so hard and has a lot of confidence in his abilities, it seemed that his dad broke him pretty easily. He suddenly admitted that he was acting wrongfully and that he was sorry. I just expected for him to have to talk more about how he felt after his mother, and explain his feelings a little more in general. Great work!