Good job with making a concept out of the haiku structure. It's almost as though one forgets the syllable pattern in it, and if you get caught up with the structure, the concept is lost. I laughed. This is pretty good. My only suggestion is maybe to make the last line a little less choppy... thought it's difficult when you're limited to five syllables. Overall I liked the statement being made :)
Hello, I liked your concept and title. However, I was expected a contrast of the second and last line since the poem is a haiku. It made the poem more humurous since you didn't use this convention. Nice.
Agreed.
ReplyDelete-kay
Sharla,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is fun. I especially like the title. Good work!
-Becca
Hey Sharla,
ReplyDeleteGood job with making a concept out of the haiku structure. It's almost as though one forgets the syllable pattern in it, and if you get caught up with the structure, the concept is lost.
I laughed. This is pretty good. My only suggestion is maybe to make the last line a little less choppy... thought it's difficult when you're limited to five syllables. Overall I liked the statement being made :)
Melanie Hyche
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI liked your concept and title. However, I was expected a contrast of the second and last line since the poem is a haiku. It made the poem more humurous since you didn't use this convention. Nice.